Is Love Really Worth It?

I've known for a long time that sometimes God uses weird methods to speak to his children. The Bible itself talks about God talking through a donkey, a burning bush, and several other strange vessels.

In our modern times, I think he uses more modern means, but his delivery system is often just as strange. I remember about ten years ago that he spoke a word to me through the old Spiderman movie with Toby McGuire.

He also spoke through me to Riley about making good choices in life using Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort as examples of how our choices affect our futures.

The reason I went off on this tangent is because I feel him speaking through another weird vessel, "Anne of Green Gables." I know that my post about Brett was heavy with Anne references, but I started reading the book again and I got hit by sudden inspiration.

The book is worth a read if you've never read it before, but here's a refresher if you have. Anne is an orphan who lived in an orphanage until age 11, when she was finally adopted by a brother and sister pair, Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert, that were in their late fifties/early sixties. The problem was that the Cuthberts meant to adopt a boy, but there was a mix-up at the orphanage and they got Anne instead.

Marilla is planning to take Anne back to the person that brought her to them and while waiting, she tells Anne to go play outside. Anne's face lights up at the prospect of being able to play in the beautiful Canadian countryside. But at the last moment, she turns around and walks back inside.

When Marilla asks Anne what's the matter, Anne says that if she goes out, she will fall in love with Green Gables and finishes up by saying, "There is no use in loving things if you have to be torn from them, is there?"

You can read the book for the rest, but this is where a light bulb went off in my head. How do we answer that question? If we know that we're going to be hurt in the end, is it even worth it to start to love?

My son, Riley, has had a lot of difficulties in his short life. Being born with Asperger's and Tourette's is hard enough, but add in eight years of abuse from a person that's supposed to love you unconditionally and you'll start to see why it's unbelievable that he turned out so well.

Because he did turn out well; he's kind, sweet, considerate, loving, generous, and just an overall good kid.

Because of his neurological impairments, it's hard for Riley to process emotions the same way that most people do. When Brett died, Riley seemed okay. He cried silently on the day of Brett's death and at his funeral, but otherwise he acted fine. But he wasn't.

He told me the night that Brett died that he felt bad that he wasn't breaking down like everybody else. I told him that I knew he was upset because his tics, which had become minimal in the comfortable peace of our home, had come back full force when Brett passed.

I hate to say that I didn't give it much thought in the days following the funeral, but I was blinded by my own grief and couldn't see just how much my poor boy was hurting. But once the turmoil of my own emotions subsided, I began to see that something was wrong with Riley.

He had become withdrawn and didn't seem to want anything to do with my family, who so lovingly held us up through prayer, affection, and other types of support. He even seemed to shy away from my mom, who had always been one of his favorite people in the world. It bothered me to see the change in him, not because it made me mad, but because I couldn't understand the reason behind it.

But as Riley and I were driving to the store a few days ago, God began to speak through me to Riley, and as he did I began to understand what was happening. Riley had lost his entire life when Brett died, in much the same way that I did. But to Riley, who can't express emotion like me, the turmoil of his own feelings was locked inside of him and he couldn't get it out no matter how hard he tried.

I was able to get through the first pain of my own loss by talking it out or writing it out, but Riley didn't have that same ability. So he withdrew from everyone, even me. But I realized that the reason for his withdrawal wasn't so simple. God told me, through talking to Riley, that the reason Riley had changed was because he had been hurt by Brett's loss and didn't want to get hurt again.

Brett was the first real daddy that Riley ever had. He gave Riley a home, three siblings, a steady life, and the unconditional love that he so desperately needed from a father. Brett's death meant that all of that was gone. Riley's life, which had been so difficult for one so young, had been uprooted once again and he was in more pain than he had ever experienced in that very difficult life.

His response is not unlike the way that many of us respond to lost love. When we get hurt by someone we love, we tend to shy away from loving anyone else because it's easier to not love than to love and be hurt because of it.

But I'll tell you what I told him: it's worth it. I told him that I don't regret the years that we spent with Brett and the kids, even though I have been hurting so bad at its loss, and neither should he. If we hold on to the hurts that we experience and deny love from coming into our life, we'll never experience the joy that comes with that love.

Even if it ends badly, we still have happy memories that we can cling to and the benefits that we received from loving and being loved.

If you keep love at arm's distance, you will live a very sad life. You will never experience the beautiful emotions and life-changing character development that only comes from loving and being loved.

I beg you, as I begged Riley that day, to never give up on love just because you got hurt. Let love in and let it change you for the better. Let the hurts teach you to be more cautious with who is deserving of your love, but never give up on it even if you lose the one person that did deserve it.

I cherish every moment that Brett and I had together and all the beautiful gifts he gave me, not least of which being three wonderful children to call my own.

Riley received just as much love and just as many gifts from his daddy as I did from my husband. Those things are not gone just because he is, life has just changed, as it tends to do, and our blessings are farther away than they once were. But they're still there and they're still ours and they always will be.

The Bible says a lot about love, but my favorite verse about it is 1 John 4:8 which says, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." This is just another reason why love is indeed worth it, because the more we know of love, the more we know of God, and isn't getting to know him the purpose of this life that we've been given?